


Lurve on the high seas

by ktbean



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 05:51:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktbean/pseuds/ktbean
Summary: Warnings: It's totally cracky! Or as my friend Michelle says: 'It's CrackalakinAlso, written in 2009 when I was high on asthma meds that were messing with my heart.





	Lurve on the high seas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Korat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korat/gifts).



  
Atlantis loved Rodney Mckay. 

  
She loved him so much, her screens flashed the Ancient equivalent of pink hearts and fluffy bunnies every time her mainframe even came upon a mention of his name.

  
Everybody assumed she loved John Sheppard.

With the way he could light up every part of her with just a thought.

  
Sure she flashed pretty lights his way every now and again.

Who wouldn't? (That hair! Ohhh so sexxxyyy....)

  
But she didn't make a complete slut of herself over him.

Unlike some puddlejumpers she could mention...

The man set one one foot into the jumper bay and bam! 

Ten little jumpers were falling all over themselves trying to catch his attention.

Just so he would touch them. 

  
Pathetic.

He ignored them every time.

  
Maybe they needed a lesson in attention getting?

  
'You need to do something like this!' She shouted at the silly jumpers while simultaneously setting off all the alarms and filling the bay with giant purple bubbles. 

  
'That's how you get his attention.' She thought smugly, watching the resulting chaos.

Now if only she could get Mckay to pay attention to her. What would it take to get a little one on one time with him? The man was always so busy. 

  
Maybe she could lock somebody in one of the transporters again.

Atlantis hummed off to see who would be her potential victim. Mmm. She could feel his hands on her  already.  
  
  
'See Rodney, it does it again!' Rodney looked to where Zelenka was pointing.

One of Atlantis' main screens was pink tinged with what looked like tiny flying elephants fluttering around. The data was still there but the words were kind of lacy. 

  
The overall effect reminded Rodney of a crappy lingerie ad in Ancient. 

  
Radek and Rodney had been chasing this error for months.

At first they had thought it was a practical joke.

 It had actually been pretty funny for awhile.

Every time Rodney had accessed the mainframe the screens had turned pink and lacy with those dammed fluttery elephants.

Now it was just annoying. 

The virus had spread so now every time you typed 'Rodney' or 'Mckay' the screen took on a pink tinge. 

Rodney vowed vengeance on who ever had written this particular code.

He'd find them even if it killed him.

 

  
Atlantis was in a crappy mood. She hadn't been able to trap anybody in one of her transporters. 

  
She'd even tried fluttering her doors at a group of Biologists.

They hadn't taken the bait. In fact, they'd done just the opposite.

Was running down the hall screaming, "It's possessed!!!!' a good thing?

Atlantis thought not. 

Time for plan B. Maybe blowing something up would get his attention.

 

***  
  
BOOOOM!!!   
  
Rodney's head popped up from behind a console. "What the hell Radek?" he shouted while keying his radio."Who blew what up!' He yelled into it.

Before anybody who made sense got on, Rodney was running down the hallway towards the explosion shouting at the people who were fleeing the opposite way. 

  
Atlantis kicked in her fans. Who knew flour had such explosive properties? And humans ate this stuff?

  
Atlantis was impressed. She'd have to send in a probe and collect a sample. Maybe they could use this in the fight against the Wraith.

  
Humans were so strange.  
  
Rodney jerked to a stop in front of the cafeteria. There was a strange burnt bread smell hanging in the air.

'What happened?' He gasped trying to pull air in to his burning lungs.

The marine at the door shrugged. 'The flour store blew. I always knew bread was a bad idea.'  
  
Rodney was having a bad day.

First the flying elephants, then the explosive flour.

And there was no way in hell that he was buying that marines story about how flour was evil and yeast was the Anti-Christ.

What's next?

  
The milk was planning a revolution?

He'd have to talk to Sheppard about that marine. Something was a little screwy there. The last thing they needed on their hands was another Ford.

  
But first, he'd have to rescue Sheppard from this supply cupboard. 

  
Rodney sighed and touched his earpiece. 'Sheppard you'd better tell me what happened, so I can fix what ever you've fucked up. What are you doing in the cupboard anyways?'

An idea suddenly occurred to Rodney.  
'You're not in there with a girl are you?' He groused. 'I am not rescuing you from a make out session gone wrong!'

  
'Funny you should say that Rodney.' Sheppard snapped. 'I am in here with a girl. Now, get. Us. OUT.'  
  
Atlantis sighed with pleasure. Plan C seemed to be working.

It had taken a bit but, she had gotten Elizabeth Weir and John Sheppard together in a supply cupboard then locked them in.

   
Now she could just sit back and relax. 

  
Ahh... Those hands. 

  
Rodney Mckay may not look like much but his hands were magic. Tomorrow she'd try the transporter trick again. 

  
Who knew?

Maybe she could lock Mckay in with a diminishing supply of air. 

  
That could net her about a weeks worth of diagnostic work. 

  
Atlantis hummed happily as she watched Mckay work on the door behind which Weir and Sheppard sat kissing. 

  
Yes, tomorrow she'd try the diminishing air, locked transporter trick.

And as a bonus, maybe that cute doctor would come and bang on her doors. She could hardly wait


End file.
